I mentioned in a previous post that I've been blessed with a strong support system. Motherhood is not easy. I'm so glad I have friends and family who I can share, vent and cry with. About two and a half years ago, Carmen, one of my best friends gave birth to an energetic and playful little girl. Over these past two years, I have been able to walk alongside them and share in Carmen's joys and struggles of motherhood. I acknowledge that everyone's journey feeding their baby is different. I'd love for you to read about Carmen's experience.
It's amazing how God created our female bodies to be able to grow a baby, give birth, and provide nutrition for the baby, yet breastfeeding may have been one of the most difficult things I've done to date.
The Beginning
Despite having the nipple shield (which we later found out we had the wrong size), Evie still wouldn’t latch and I was told that I would need to supplement with formula until Evie latched. When the nurse handed me a bottle of formula, I felt devastated. I had heard breastfeeding was hard and may not be for everyone, but it felt like I had already failed as a mother. The nurses were amazing in supporting me, but Evie still wouldn’t latch. I cried every time I tried to feed and it just didn’t happen. I rang in the new year with a nurse comforting me because breastfeeding just wasn’t happening.
I made an appointment for later on that week with the hospital’s breastfeeding support group before we were discharged, but one of the hospital’s lactation consultants told me that I would need to buy a pump if I wanted to keep up my milk supply until Evie latches.
I cried (again) the first time Evie latched at the hospital clinic because I was overjoyed that she was consuming milk directly from me! Slowly, Evie began to latch with the nipple shield more often and eventually, we weaned her off the formula. In addition to breastfeeding, I went back to work part time after three months, so I also pumped when I wasn’t home.
While I was told that the nipple shield should just be used for the interim as it limits milk supply, I continued to use it throughout the duration of breastfeeding, coupled with one or two pumping sessions throughout the day when Evie took a bottle while I was working. I didn’t use any supplements to boost my milk supply and thankfully, my milk supply was enough to keep Evie well fed.
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Hi, I'm Carmen and I have a two and a half year old daughter named Evelyn, or as we like to call her - Evie. It's such an honour to be able to be a guest on my dear friend's blog and to be able to share my breastfeeding journey!
It's amazing how God created our female bodies to be able to grow a baby, give birth, and provide nutrition for the baby, yet breastfeeding may have been one of the most difficult things I've done to date.
After I delivered Evie, the nurse asked if I wanted to breastfeed and I responded “yes, I want to try.” I unclip my nursing bra as the nurse places Evie against my chest. She helps me get Evie into the correct position to feed. I don’t know what I was expecting - maybe that Evie would just intuitively latch? As I squeezed my boob to get the colostrum out, Evie kind of just stuck her tongue out and aimlessly licked. Then the nurse takes one look at me and goes “Tell your husband to get you a nipple shield immediately. You have flat nipples and it will be harder for your daughter to latch.” I’m sitting there thinking - “I have flat nipples?! That’s even a thing?”
Despite having the nipple shield (which we later found out we had the wrong size), Evie still wouldn’t latch and I was told that I would need to supplement with formula until Evie latched. When the nurse handed me a bottle of formula, I felt devastated. I had heard breastfeeding was hard and may not be for everyone, but it felt like I had already failed as a mother. The nurses were amazing in supporting me, but Evie still wouldn’t latch. I cried every time I tried to feed and it just didn’t happen. I rang in the new year with a nurse comforting me because breastfeeding just wasn’t happening.
The Transition
During that first two weeks, whenever it was time for Evie to eat, it was an hour of both of us crying to get her to latch before I realized I wasn't getting anywhere and she was way over hungry. My husband would always preface each feed weith "I'll have a bottle ready. If it doesn't happen, it's okay. She'll still be fed and she'll still be healthy."
While I was told that the nipple shield should just be used for the interim as it limits milk supply, I continued to use it throughout the duration of breastfeeding, coupled with one or two pumping sessions throughout the day when Evie took a bottle while I was working. I didn’t use any supplements to boost my milk supply and thankfully, my milk supply was enough to keep Evie well fed.
The Journey
As with all newborns, we began with feeds every 2-3 hours always feeling like one feed rolled into another. We slowly stretched it to 3-4 hours between feeds until she was 6 months old. If I skipped a feed due to work, I would pump to keep up my milk supply and to ensure she had a supply of milk in the freezer.
Between month 7-8, we weaned her off her 3:00am night feed, which meant her last feed was around midnight and her morning feed was around 6:00-7:00am. Between month 9-11, we would slowly increase the time between feeds by 15-30 minutes as she also began consuming more solids. By the time Evie turned one, I was feeding her once in the morning and once before bed. I continued the morning feed until she was around 14 months old.
Between month 7-8, we weaned her off her 3:00am night feed, which meant her last feed was around midnight and her morning feed was around 6:00-7:00am. Between month 9-11, we would slowly increase the time between feeds by 15-30 minutes as she also began consuming more solids. By the time Evie turned one, I was feeding her once in the morning and once before bed. I continued the morning feed until she was around 14 months old.
While breastfeeding did get easier, it wasn’t without other struggles. I also had extremely cracked/bleeding nipples and clogged milk ducts at various times throughout the experience. Many times I felt like giving up because the pain was unbearable. I would literally pinch another part of my body to send pain signals elsewhere to get through a feeding session. During these times, I would pump more often; however, since I often couldn’t get much milk pumping, I would continue to nurse and top Evie up with pumped milk when the pain became too much.
Looking Back
Breastfeeding was difficult and definitely affected my mental health throughout the process. I ended up sticking to it for a few reasons, most of which, now looking back, were quite unhealthy. First, I didn’t want to seem like a failure or quitter. I put an unrealistic standard on myself that if I quit, I was a “bad” mother. Second, I almost made it seem like an accomplishment - that if I made it to one year, I unlocked a level of achievement. But third,
and most importantly what kept me going to 14 months, I began to enjoy
those quiet times Evie and I shared throughout the day (when we both
weren’t in tears). By holding her close to me, she and I
were able to bond through the experience, especially when work became
busier and I was away from home more often.
Looking back - would I do it again given the same circumstances? Maybe, but I would definitely give myself more grace and not be so prideful or stubborn.
My advice for new moms is what the paediatrician at the NICU told me when Evie was first born - fed is best. If you would like to breastfeed, I encourage you to try! Take advantage of any free breastfeeding clinic’s your hospital and/or local region might offer. Find community and support with other fellow mothers - raising a child takes a village and breastfeeding is no different! But, if for whatever reason (whether health, personal, lifestyle, etc.), breastfeeding doesn’t work out, it doesn’t make you a bad mother. Do whatever you’re comfortable with. Do whatever is best for you and your baby. You got this, mama!
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