Baby
arrived at 7:18AM and we were relieved and full of joy. I had heard so
many delivery stories from women who were in labour for hours, days
even. I was shocked she was there in my arms after a short hour of
painless pushing (so thankful!) My fever subsided soon afterwards but
they had given me antibiotics and needed to take blood samples. Several
of them. As I lay there in bed with baby on my chest I truly did feel
euphoria. Truth be told, it wasn't love at first sight but I was glad
she had finally arrived and we could see her face-to-face. Childbirth
and childbearing are such beautiful things. How amazing it was to be
able to experience both.
Good thing I was busy cuddling and staring at her because on the other end of the bed they were busy fixing me up. I dreaded the thought of being stitched up. Good thing my epidural hadn't worn off, I couldn't feel a thing although they told me there was only minimal tearing. They finished up with me and as the new nurse started changing my bedding I quickly motioned to Josh that I needed to throw up. I was so uncomfortable. He quickly handed me the dish (just in time) and I threw up not once, but twice. Thankfully, not on the baby. I took some fluids and felt better. I laid there for a bit while Josh and I took turns holding her. A couple nurses came by to try to draw my blood again. Several unsuccessful attempts later, they finally got what they needed and left me with a bloody arm that need bandaging in several areas (I now have scars on both arms where they poked me).
Probably less than two hours had passed before the nurse told us we were clear to move to the Mothers and Babies Unit where we would be for the rest of our stay. She told us we could take our time and not to feel rushed. She said she would help me there. I was confused. Won't you just be wheeling me over in this bed to the next unit? Nope. "You're going to have to get out of bed and we'll wheel you over in a wheelchair." She brought in the wheelchair as promised and gently told me that I could take as much time as I needed to move slowly out of bed. I didn't realize what I was in for until I scooted to the edge of the bed. By then, my epidural was beginning to wear off and real life was about to begin. I winced in pain as I slooooowly stood up and sat down on the wheelchair (which the nurse may or may not have lined with a pillow for my comfort, I can't remember). I was uncomfortable to say the least. I could start to feel the stitches and I was so fatigued by that point.
Good thing I was busy cuddling and staring at her because on the other end of the bed they were busy fixing me up. I dreaded the thought of being stitched up. Good thing my epidural hadn't worn off, I couldn't feel a thing although they told me there was only minimal tearing. They finished up with me and as the new nurse started changing my bedding I quickly motioned to Josh that I needed to throw up. I was so uncomfortable. He quickly handed me the dish (just in time) and I threw up not once, but twice. Thankfully, not on the baby. I took some fluids and felt better. I laid there for a bit while Josh and I took turns holding her. A couple nurses came by to try to draw my blood again. Several unsuccessful attempts later, they finally got what they needed and left me with a bloody arm that need bandaging in several areas (I now have scars on both arms where they poked me).
Probably less than two hours had passed before the nurse told us we were clear to move to the Mothers and Babies Unit where we would be for the rest of our stay. She told us we could take our time and not to feel rushed. She said she would help me there. I was confused. Won't you just be wheeling me over in this bed to the next unit? Nope. "You're going to have to get out of bed and we'll wheel you over in a wheelchair." She brought in the wheelchair as promised and gently told me that I could take as much time as I needed to move slowly out of bed. I didn't realize what I was in for until I scooted to the edge of the bed. By then, my epidural was beginning to wear off and real life was about to begin. I winced in pain as I slooooowly stood up and sat down on the wheelchair (which the nurse may or may not have lined with a pillow for my comfort, I can't remember). I was uncomfortable to say the least. I could start to feel the stitches and I was so fatigued by that point.
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The nurse wheeled me down the hall to the next unit and helped us with our 2,304,923,084 bags before I stood up and carefully sat down on my new bed. Painful. I was starting to feel everything by that point. A new nurse came in and told me to try peeing. No. I thought. I don't want to have to. She told me I would need a catheter if I didn't try so I forced myself out of bed with the help of both Josh and the nurse. Using the railing at the side of the bed, I sat up and shimmied my way eeever so slowly to the edge of the bed. How could it hurt so much to move? The nurse and Josh were situated on either side of me to help me up onto my feet. Once standing, I used one hand to push an IV pole while hunched over in pain and shuffled my feet to the washroom. My body felt so heavy and that familiar, unwelcomed feeling of pelvic pain was still there. Cue sad music as this would be what moving looked like for the next three weeks.
The first evening was tough. Josh and I were both sleep deprived by that point. What made things worse was how dependent I was on him. I was in immense pain and any sort of movement other than laying down was excruciatingly painful. I needed help even just sitting up in bed. Picking up the baby was almost impossible. Anytime baby needed to be fed I would stretch out my arms to receive her as Josh would pick her up from her rolling crib. That was the extent of my movements. I refrained from moving as much as possible because staying still was the only way I could feel comfortable. I felt frustrated and upset with myself.
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Every
morning the hospital ran a breastfeeding clinic for new moms and babies
down the hall. Down the hall felt like a million miles away at that
point. We missed the clinic the morning after giving birth and I wanted
to join that second morning. Unfortunately for me, I could barely move
off the bed, let alone walk down the hall. No problem. I thought. We can just ask for a wheelchair and Josh can take us down the hall.
Josh left for the nurses station and my nurse came back to tell me I
wouldn't be getting a wheelchair because I needed to walk. She explained
that my uterus would know to shrink back to it's original size if I
walked. With some encouragement from Josh, I mustered up the courage to
waddle my way down the hall. It helped to hang onto baby's bed as I
wheeled her to the class.
I still remember arriving at the room. All the other moms had given birth within the past 48 hours. Some of them looked like they had given birth several months ago - they looked great. They were wearing hoodies and sweatpants, some wore their own cute little pajama set and there I was... I had struggled that morning hunched over in pain as I put on my adult diaper. I was still in my hospital robe because I couldn't get into anything else. I definitely could NOT get into pants at that point. I felt disappointed in myself and upset that I wasn't as comfortable as those other moms were.
The class ended and I made my way back to our room. At that point I wasn't ready to take on too many visitors but we allowed our immediate families to come by as a group. Once our visitors left we would feed baby and rest as best we could. The good news was, as the hours went by I started feeling better and gradually became more mobile later that evening. I was finally able to walk over to the bathroom without the IV pole. Win. I was still waddling but at least I was in less pain. I was finally starting to feel less pressure on my pelvis which was relieving after having felt that for several months on end.
The next morning we were cleared to go home and we packed our things while I tried to help, shuffling my way around the room. I still looked 6 months pregnant but my biggest victory was putting on my maternity pants (still pants, so a victory nonetheless) and maternity top and walking out of the hospital (no wheelchair required!) The hospital staff took such good care of the three of us. I was so grateful for their attentiveness because we couldn't have done it physically or mentally without them.
I still remember arriving at the room. All the other moms had given birth within the past 48 hours. Some of them looked like they had given birth several months ago - they looked great. They were wearing hoodies and sweatpants, some wore their own cute little pajama set and there I was... I had struggled that morning hunched over in pain as I put on my adult diaper. I was still in my hospital robe because I couldn't get into anything else. I definitely could NOT get into pants at that point. I felt disappointed in myself and upset that I wasn't as comfortable as those other moms were.
The class ended and I made my way back to our room. At that point I wasn't ready to take on too many visitors but we allowed our immediate families to come by as a group. Once our visitors left we would feed baby and rest as best we could. The good news was, as the hours went by I started feeling better and gradually became more mobile later that evening. I was finally able to walk over to the bathroom without the IV pole. Win. I was still waddling but at least I was in less pain. I was finally starting to feel less pressure on my pelvis which was relieving after having felt that for several months on end.
The next morning we were cleared to go home and we packed our things while I tried to help, shuffling my way around the room. I still looked 6 months pregnant but my biggest victory was putting on my maternity pants (still pants, so a victory nonetheless) and maternity top and walking out of the hospital (no wheelchair required!) The hospital staff took such good care of the three of us. I was so grateful for their attentiveness because we couldn't have done it physically or mentally without them.
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I wanted to mention a few additional things about postpartum:
- Visitors: Some of the best advice I received was not to feel
obligated to take in visitors immediately after giving birth. No doubt
you'll have eager family and friends who can't wait to hold your baby
for the first time but your physical and emotional state may be all over
the place afterwards. Take visitors only when YOU are ready for it.
Don't feel bad if you're like me and prefer to accept visitors in the
comfort of your own home rather than at the hospital.
- Mesh Underwear vs. Adult Diapers: Let me be the first to say
that I never thought I'd be sporting adult diapers until I was old and
grey. A few of my friends had advised me to bring a pack of adult
diapers in my hospital bag and I'm so glad I did. Postpartum blood loss
is real and what you should know is the hospital will only provide a few
pairs of mesh underwear and pads before they have you purchase your
own. I personally didn't like the mesh underwear although our nurse was
kind enough to offer me several extra pairs. They'll likely become
stained with blood after a few hours and I hated that the pad would get
stuck to anything it came in contact with. Once I ran out of the
hospital provided pads (aka the thickest pad that I have ever worn in my
life) I used the diapers that I had packed. They were much more
comfortable and disposing of them was easy.
- Lanocin, Tylenol & Advil: During my hospital stay I
was used a topical spray (lanocin) and took a few doses of Extra
Strength Tylenol and Advil each day. I continued using these even after I
returned home and truthfully, they were my saving grace. They allowed
me to be comfortable for several hours while I rested or cared for baby
and the first couple days would've been rough without them. I went home
with some extras thanks to our nurse. It may be worth asking for...
could save you a trip to the pharmacy!
- Sitz Bath & Epsom Salt: Once we returned home I was desperate for anything that would help relieve the pain that I experienced. In addition to taking medication and using the topical spray, I took a sitz bath at least twice of day (or whenever I had some downtime). I would suggest being prepared with a sitz bath and a container of epsom salt. Here are the instructions I followed for preparing a sitz bath.
- PUPP (Pruritic Urticarial Papules and Plaques of Pregnancy): Just before giving birth I started developing PUPP, a very bad rash which looked like red patches on my belly. The itchiness became so severe that it looked like hives which later spread to my arms, legs and chest. The itchiness was like nothing I had ever experienced before. I ended up having to see my doctor as it worsened overtime. I was prescribed a topical medication as well as allergy medication which I took consistently for nearly two weeks before the rash subsided.
Thanks for reading! Sometimes I feel like I'm writing to an audience of none but I've been so encouraged since my last post. Several of you reached out to me and I appreciate all the comments and messages I have received. Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read and follow along with me.
Until next time,
E.
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