I had grown accustomed to the false depiction of postpartum mom life. Social media paints a contrived depiction of life with a newborn. Celebrities and influencers often post photos of themselves snuggling with their peaceful babies - tiny feet, little fingers, soft smooth skin and mini crinkly noses. Don't get me wrong, parenthood is beautiful and being a mom is a privilege but the first few weeks were extremely tough to say the least. I struggled at the hospital and for weeks after we got home. I had trouble doing some of the most basic tasks. Walking was difficult. Getting in and out of pants was a pipedream. Many nights, I laid awake worrying and counting down the days until Josh would be returning to work. I was anxious and skeptical about my ability to care for a baby on my own. The best news I received was: it gets easier. But, when? Even within the relief of this promise contained further uncertainty.
This post isn’t just for expecting or new parents. I reflected on the times where a friend had just given birth and the first thing I wanted to do was pay them a visit at the hospital. I thought that was the best way I could support them on the arrival of their new baby. Now as a new mom, I’ve gained a completely new perspective of what support for the family looks like. There's so much more to be desired than just having a few visitors when you're thinking about when and what to prepare for the next meal. Perhaps the garbage hasn't been taken out, etc. We were very fortunate that our friends and family were intuitive and took action with some of our needs. I hope this post can shed some light on what it’s like to be a new parent and how you may be able to support someone in this season of their life.
Here are some realities I learned about postpartum:
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- Expect the unexpected: As a new parent, I learned that things may not go as planned and that's okay. Labour and delivery may not go according to your birth plan; you may have trouble moving afterwards; your baby may not latch well; there will be poop explosions just as you're able to head out the door. It could be anything! Don't be too hard on yourself - just be ready for anything because honestly, you will have little control over what happens. Learn to be reactive and not be stuck with having a one-track mind.
- First time parents, don't fret: The first couple of weeks will feel like you're in survival mode (this may be due to the fact that you have no clue what you're doing or you're severely sleep deprived). Don't worry, you will better understand your baby's cues after a couple of weeks. Somehow you'll find the energy and ability to accomplish things you didn't realize you could do and at humanly impossible times, no less. Don't lose hope! The days are long but it does in fact get easier.
- Postpartum Depression & Baby Blues: I believe the most important form of postpartum care doesn't involve physical support, but rather psychological and mental. "Baby blues" as they call them are real and so is postpartum depression (PPD) which often rears its head in a similar fashion. Frustration and anxiety, the raw emotions are all very real. You may not instantly connect with your baby, you may feel upset over the simplest of things and you may even cry over anything (and everything). This is okay. In fact, it's completely normal for the first few weeks as your body is readjusting it's hormone levels. A few weeks after giving birth I remember wondering whether I had made a mistake in having a child. I doubted myself and my ability to be a mother. It helps to share your feelings and frustrations with other moms, friends and family - anyone who's willing to lend an ear. PPD and the baby blues can feel very similar yet be world's apart as PPD lasts much longer and is much stronger. It causes you to feel a wide set of emotions based in hopelessness, anger, depression, frustration for a very long time while also being debilitating in your ability to function. So don't ever hesitate to seek help from a support group or medical professional if you suspect any of it's influence as you don't want to hurt yourself or your baby.
- Ask for help, accept help: Postpartum is difficult and postpartum pain is no joke. Don't be afraid to ask for or accept as much help as you need. Take care of yourself. I am blessed to have a strong support system consisting of my husband, family and friends. Help comes in many forms: a meal, care package, doing the dishes or holding the baby while you nap. One more thing: don't deny others' offers to help. If they're not shy about offering, then don't be shy to accept.
- Feeding: Breastfeeding may be the most difficult thing you'll face. Bottle feeding may not be a walk in the park either. Take it one feed at a time and remember that this too shall pass. I found it super helpful to know that the hospital I delivered at offered free breastfeeding clinics with lactation consultants who were ready to assist 24/7 (literally).
- Rest: As they say, "sleep when the baby sleeps." Try! Rest where you can, whenever you can. The dishes and laundry can wait. You'll be glad you took a nap before baby wakes up for yet another feeding.
- Growth spurts: Know what they are and know when to expect them. If it helps, put these dates in your calendar so you realize it's happening when things are out of sorts. Just when your baby starts to fall into some form of a routine, everything will change. She'll be cranky, irritable and sometimes, even inconsolable. Good news is this doesn't last long. Bad news is they're inevitable.
- Your body has changed and will continue to: Let's face it. It took nine long months for the baby to be meticulously knitted inside of you. Your body has undergone immense change and will continue. It just accomplished a wonderful thing, give it some slack. Know that it'll take time and your body doesn't just "bounce back" as we all have been made to expect. The uterus takes time to shrink back to it's original size. Your feet may grow half to a full size. You'll have a pooch for several months and the amount of hair you'll lose is unimaginable. Give yourself time, give yourself grace.
- Reality: It's okay if you don't look put together. Between diaper changes, feedings and trying to rock the baby to sleep, most days you'll feel like you don't have time for yourself. The pressures of having a picture-perfect life with a newborn are real but don't need to be met.
- You are all that your baby needs: You are enough. You are enough for your baby. Just as you are.
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Thanks for reading. That concludes my list of postpartum realities. In the upcoming weeks, I will be featuring my husband as a guest writer on the blog. He will be sharing about his experience with fatherhood. Do you have any questions you'd like him to answer? Topics you'd like him to discuss? Let us know!
Until next time,
E.
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